will i ever settle down?

It’s a good serious question for me; I’m not entirely sure. I know for each person, settling down may mean a different thing, so let me define what it means for me.

Settling down means getting married, living in one area, and staying at the same job for years. It’s something I thought I’ve wanted for a long time. I think the stability of it is what made it so alluring.

Sometimes settling means being happy enough in the situation you’re in but not striving for better. That’s what I mean. I think one of my worst fears is being trapped in somewhere I don’t want to be. Or not even just somewhere I don’t want to be; somewhere I’m not fully content. It’s a tall order, but I’ve always been quietly discontent in some area of my life or another.

I joke with my mom whenever she brings up the idea of grandkids. I let her know she’ll have grand-puppies instead. Honestly though, I really don’t think I want to have kids. Maybe this will change later, but here’s my thought process.

For the longest time, I haven’t even been sure of getting a tattoo because it seems too permanent. Only recently have I thought about getting one, but that also means a lot of searching and looking up places/artists. I haven’t tied the knot, or even agreed to yet. I figure I’m 21 years old and I have lots of time for that. Having a child though, it seems like the kind of responsibility for life that I am afraid of. A lot of it is making sure I don’t mess up my kid in the way I’ve seen friends or even sometimes myself end up due to parenting. It seems scary.

A funny side note though, while I was in the hospital, I heard two different things. I was either really old or really young when I told them my age/birthdate. It was odd hearing the complete opposites when I mentioned the same exact thing, just in different ways. I guess being my age makes me old and young at the same time.

Anyways, back to the question at hand: Will I ever “settle down”?

I can see myself getting married and moving to a new place, but beyond that? I think I’ll leave it to the future.

x

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