Ever since I moved to Northern California and began attending community college, everything I have done academically has gone toward transferring to a four year university. I didn’t give myself much time to think beyond what classes do I need to take to apply with my major? When is the soonest I can transfer? How can I make it even sooner?
What I didn’t think about was what would happen once that was finally achieved. I have finally been accepted to UC Davis after five long years and will start in the fall. But where does that leave me in the meantime?
This current state of limbo between life stages has me feeling both impatient and lethargic. I try to tell myself once fall quarter starts I will be missing these days of little to no responsibilities. But then again, where do I begin with all of the requirements and classes I need to take to graduate with a degree in a subject I want to continue in grad school/a career? What would that even be? (not entirely sure yet.) I’m sandwiched between a goal reached and the next goal vague and distant.
A few people from my own high school class who graduated with a bachelor’s degree, either last year or this year, have said taking my time is the best way to go through it. That they wished they didn’t rush through it and had figured out what they wanted before reaching this milestone and not exactly knowing what was going to come next. I feel like I’m already experiencing a very mild version of this feeling. I’ve been working toward attending a four year university for so long, and although I know that I have many more goals to reach, it’s an odd feeling knowing that I’ve made it. I almost feel lost.
No matter the kind of transition, change is scary. It’s uncertainty and it’s adjustment to a new situation. I wouldn’t think about it if I had the choice, but I don’t have a lot to distract me from these thoughts. Which, I guess, is the problem in the first place.
While I pass the time before the busyness and chaos that no doubt awaits me in the fall quarter, I try to allow myself to live in the present without comparing myself to my peers. I find ways to be productive that are not academically based while reminding myself these things are just as valuable.
I actually began writing this post in December of 2017, which was not long after my Transfer Agreement Guarantee (which told me I was unofficially accepted to UC Davis) was approved. It seems I’ve been in this place for awhile, even before the classes I took spring semester at community college ended. I hope that I can find a way to be content, even in the midst of a (looooong) transition, now and in the future.
- I went on an Alaska Cruise with my family + grandparents, and it was mostly good. I threw up from seasickness on the formal night (onto my only dress) which was probably the low point, but also got to see whales and sea otters fairly up close, see glaciers and Alaskan birds of prey, and the Space Needle/Chihuly Garden so I can say it definitely evened out~ I also got to take a bunch of film photos and enjoy the relatively cool weather. Was really happy to be back though.
- Will be moving out in less than a month! w h o a
- Went to the Paramore concert(!) at the Shoreline with my guy. I was screaming and singing and dancing and it was a fantastic time. Over 250 miles of driving in one day but would do it again in a heartbeat.
& that’s all I got for now.